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25 May 2007 @ 02:59 pm
pirates of the caribbean III: at world's end.  
i started this whole thing with a review of the second pirates of the caribbean movie, so it is very fitting that i start it up again with a review of the third.

the sum-up: youve come this far, seen the first 2, maybe loved the first 2. you might as well go see it.

the review: i'm going to start this with a quick review of spiderman 3, which, if you havent heard, really isnt all that great. my roommate hit the nail on the head for WHY, which is something no ones really doing.

his theory is that, by the 3rd film in a mega-millions franchise they just dont have to care anymore. they KNOW its going to make millions, and everyone will go see it, so dont even really worry about, oh, say, the plot, or characters, or awesome fight scenes. throw in a musical number, and youre aces.

this is the curse that struck pirates III. and it pains me to say that, honestly, because gore verbinski was a personal hero. even though i wasnt gungho about the second pirate film, i still liked it as a film. it was brilliant on a lot of levels. i cant remember much of it now, not in the way i remember the first one, but i REALLY cant remember anything about the third one, and i just saw it less than an hour ago.

but its pointless to say this. its pointless to bash a movie like this because its going to do well, and everyones going to go see it. you HAVE to. its like a law.

regardless, here's what sucked about it-

the plot was atrocious. where the second film was 'patchy', the third was all over the place, barely even together. it didnt flow, it didnt make sense, and they kept bringing up great things and then.... never going back to them. what they needed was a script consultant to tell them where to trim the mass amounts of fat, and where to add really awesome fight scenes.

oh, speaking of fight scenes... there was like one really awesome one. there were a few fight scenes, i guess, but they werent awesome. the very last fight scene was awesome, but only by virtue of the fact that there hadnt been much fighting previous to it. there was lots of talking and... talking. and talking about talking. and more talking. and then some talking that was kind of funny. then serious talking. then something with a monkey.

the characters were all there, but none of them- not a one- was what they were/could have been. capt. jack sparrow was just some guy with a hat, barbosa was just some guy who used to be dead, will barely spoke, elizabeth spoke too much, and davy jones was in the film like a total of 8 minutes.

and keith richards' character, jacks dad, was clearly added in late in the game, because, seriously, what was with that?

filmmaking-wise, there was not a shot in this film that i felt was really special. if youve seen it once (and youve actually seen it twice, because this is the third film), youve seen it a hundred times. some beaches in a big wide shot, a sunset, a boat. oh, wait... wait... i lied.

beyond a few, spare things here and there- a nice line, something with a monkey- there was only one thing that was really fucking amazing about this film.

there is a sequence as the black pearl floats over a completely calm sea at night. the stars are reflected in the water like a mirror, and the ship sails through it slowly, blurring the stars' reflections as it goes.

this was gorgeous, and, if something like it happened even just twice more, it could have redeemed this film.

also, the sequence reminded me of this game: pocketful of stars.


trailers i saw:

gracie. some 'true story' about a chick who joins a soccer team in place of her dead, all-star brother, and she, of course, faces obstacles (read: men).

ratatouille. the trailer starts out with a voice-over by PATTON OSWALD. and then it turns out... HES THE LEAD CHARACTER. wtf. awesomex2. im in for this.

evan almighty. my roommate just made an awesome point when i said it looked like crap- so did bruce almighty. and that was an alright film. steve carrell is funny regardless of... well, an 'almighty' movie.

live free or die hard. i dont know. its a die hard film, but some die hard fans i know (well, one) are kind of not into it because its PG-13. and... well... that doesnt really mean anything. everyone who likes die hard, which is like everyone, will go see it, and itll just be an action film, and thats it.

and something we didnt see, but something my roommate just mentioned- nancy drew. theres nothing to say except... 'i have to diffuse this bomb.' WHAT? YOURE LIKE 11?! 14 yr old female jack mcclane. thats all im sayin'.